Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
