This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
