____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
