Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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