She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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