i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
