I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
