you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
