allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do herpes really smell.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
