I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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