We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
