Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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