I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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