if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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