I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
