I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
