Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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