Can Purell be used as lube?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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