I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
