Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
