i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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