fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
