we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
