Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize