I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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