I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
