The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
