are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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