So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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