We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
