I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
