just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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