I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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