HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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