You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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