I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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