i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
