hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
