I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
