I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
