Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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