Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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