sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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