An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
