I am spending my child support on dildos
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My bed smells like the plague
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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