I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need to stop coming to work sober
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't deserve a penis
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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