Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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