The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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