i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
