The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
