gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
