In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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