after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The air was thick with penises
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
