I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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