guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
