You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
