Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
