Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
