Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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