His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
