Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
