Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
