Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
