So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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