There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
