I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
its liver damage thursday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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