i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
