Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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