I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
