you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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